Friends are like gardens

Good friendships are fragile things and require as much care as any other fragile and precious thing.-- Randolph S. Bourne (1886-1918) American Writer

My 10 year old daughter's social life is like a soap opera. Every day you don't know whether she's friends or not friends with a particular girl or boy. Mostly the girls. She'll come home from school saying she's not friends with so 'n so anymore, but then the next day if the girl invites her over off she goes. She tells stories of how no one wants to be friends with this girl because she does this and that so she's best friends with the other girl. Then another day it'll be the other girl did this and that so now she's friends with this girl. Frankly, I don't remember my social life ever being so complicated!

I've warned her that it's best to try not to come between two friends. It is hard to be the one in the middle. But you must remain as neutral as possible. I believe it is possible to have friends in more than one group or clique. That is the way I survived high school. I had a friend or friends in just about every classification from popular or jock, to dork or geek. I was neither picked on nor expected to pick on anyone. I strongly hope that my kids can have the same or similar experience. Although I wouldn't complain if they were part of the popular clique.

Friends are often taken for granted. Once we have established a friendship we seem to feel that nothing can break that bond. But nothing can be further from the truth. A friendship is an interaction between two humans. That is, two thinking, feeling human beings. Because of this we must remember that our actions and our words can affect the friendship. Every person reacts to the world differently. Therefore we must watch what we say and do. What may seem like idle humor, can turn out to be a harmful barb to your friend(s).

Friends should be treated like gardens. Gardens, once planted, still need plenty of attention to grow strong and fruitful. Likewise so does a friendship. You must always tend to it with gentle care, kindness and love. Each time you hurt a friend it's like breaking off a branch of a plant. Over time they will recover, but it is a slow process and if you break off too many, the plant will get sick or even die. Likewise the more you hurt your friend, either verbally, emotionally or physically, you add another break to the friendship plant. And too many breaks means a lost friendship.

As well, you must realize that friendship should not be taken for granted. Just because you provide it will the "food" it needs, does not always guarantee it will thrive. Certain plants just don't grow no matter what you do. The same can happen with a friendship. Perhaps it reaches a certain point and then either doesn't grow any further or dissipates altogether.

Plus some plants can hurt you even when you tend to them lovingly, ( e.g. roses). But you know that they bear beautiful blossoms and therefore learn to touch them in such a way to avoid being hurt by their thorns. In this way too you must be wary of how you react to your friends' actions or words. Each plant/friend is different. Some bear more "thorns" than others. And although they may hold beauty within waiting to bloom, their outsides can be hurtful. A good friend knows how see around the protective exterior and nourish the beauty within.